CHILDHOOD FEAR
Like most other kids I also grew up with fear of ghost and ghost stories. Although I love to hear the ghost-stories, but an orchestra of fear and lure both used to play simultaneously on my nerve-system.
I started going to school at the age of five or six. An elderly girl was my companion, who infused this unseen fear in me. On the way to my school I had to cross a church, a cemetery , a football ground enclosed with wooden fencing and an open field of some timber trees. We used to take a regular walk of 15/20 minutes.
Ruby, my school companion used to spin the record of ghost stories at the time of returning home from school. I used to cherish those stories as the sunlight goes off. My sisters noticed that my behavior pattern began to change as the evening set in . I remained close to them; I couldn't go to toilet alone ; There was no electricity in the town at that time ; There were big kerosine lamps for our study-room and father's table ;Those lamps were heavy and so were placed on fixed place ;they had powerful light ;there were other three lanterns( harrican )with handle that could be carried from one room to another. I noticed the shadow became sometimes large sometimes small while moving with hanging lantern from one room to another .
Ruby told me the shadow of ghosts would be always bigger than that of me and ghosts woke up as evening set in. They speak in nasal voice; but they can imitate others' voice too to befool. I was fully convinced with Ruby's words. It was scary to me to see my own shadow ; If I was called by my sisters or anyone ,I didn't respond immediately .As I was told the night-ghost( =nishi-vut ) would call the name thrice . So I responded to fourth call while the first call always startled me. I embraced my sister on bed while lying for sleeping and asked,
"Why the ghosts always follow kids and not the elders ? Do they twist the neck and suck only blood from kid's body?"
My sister asked ,"who said all these rubbish? 'there is nothing known as 'voot' (ghost ).'
My father was railway employee. There were many Europeans in the railway neighborhood. There were big and small cemetery which were not very far . So we were afraid but interested to know about the stories of white -ghosts.
Ruby used to tell me hair-raising ghost story while passing by a cemetery. I had some eerie feeling. She told me not to look at that side. I obeyed her. I narrated the story to my sister as told by Ruby.
" There is a cemetery surrounded by low wall, on the way of my school; inside there are lots of concrete graves under which the white-dead person were buried ;they sleep at day-time but wake up in the evening to take revenge on live people ! One evening while one of Ruby's uncle from Delhi (who was handsome and over-smart), was coming home from the Recreation club , he sensed the smell of strong perfume and a white suited- booted 'sahib' (=white -skinned person) appeared before him and asked for a cigarette. The uncle said, ' sorry, I don't smoke.' All on a sudden the sahib-'voot' blew a slap on his cheek so violently that he fainted on the road . He laid on the road until he was seen and rescued to home by a passerby. His cheek bore distinctly the signature of ghost's fingers. "
Next day her uncle went back to his own place and since then never visited their house!"
As I narrated the Ruby's story my sister giggled and embracing me, thumped my nose dotingly to say
" You silly girl, don't believe this awful stories. This funny story is known to us all.
The fact is her uncle got the slap not from any ghost but from the known local young boys, out of rivalry . The local boys planned to drive that 'dude' snobbish uncle from the town ."
Still I was not convinced .Sensing that my sister further added ,
'Listen to me, I'll give you some 'mantra' which will make you brave and bold.'
"what's that ? I asked eagerly.
"very easy!" whenever you are frightened, start on uttering 'OM Ram, Ram',!
.'You will get rid of any horror; no evil spirit can touch you !'
My sister said so convincingly that it worked magically on me ! I gathered mental strength .
It was one Saturday, half school. School was off at 1:30 instead of 3:30PM.As usual, Ruby started to say, '"this Saturday mid noon is very inauspicious time ; don't walk under the shadow of tree; walk through the middle of the road ; otherwise , ghost would jump from the tree on you to capture you .
I countered her, " But you always. told me that they wake up only after evening ; moreover , as my sister said not to believe any 'vut'. So I don't believe. "
Ruby screamed , "how dare are you to utter this?" And that too on the mid noon of Saturday?"
Pointing to my shadow on the path she said in husky voice "look down , ghost has caught your feet ! I replied in challenging voice ,"it's my own shadow and you too, have your own!"
Ruby looked nervous , irritated and confused what to say more after this; perhaps little annoyed to notice my new form. She stopped in the midway and said ,"if you don't believe in ghost then go and touch that tree !" 'Bramhaottiy' occupies this palm tree."
" "Brah-ma-dotty!" what's that ? I asked in quivering voice . This never-heard term roused an eerie feeling that crawled through my spine .
Ruby, " hu-hum... you will know soon how terrible ! he is the ruler of the 'vuts'(=Superior ghosts dynasty.) A Brahmin after death becomes "Bramhadotty," more powerful than the common ghosts".
My courage started dwindling. I started 'Om-Ram-Ram' mantra for safe-guard.
"Go, let me see your courage! go,go!"
Though I was only 5/6 years old and Ruby was much elder than me, but I became desperate to retreat as she insisted repeatedly.It was a question of prestige for me.
The tall palm tree stood on the road side meadow. I slipped down from the road to sloping meadow to reach the tree. Remembering my sister I was meditating on "Om,Ram-Ram"continuously. I stretched the hand ;my palm was almost touching the stem of the tree. My body became cold and freezed; my heart was beating violently like drum to my ear; catching firmly the stretched wrist with other hand I somehow pushed forward to touch the stem of the tree, first softly. .. No ghost jumped upon my shoulder or strangle my neck from the tree......
I came back to my sense.
Looking at Ruby standing on the road, I said ,"Look, look here! I have touched the tree and nothing happened to me !
bursting out of trauma I touched twice more and raised my head to seek the top of tree but bright sunrays blinded me.With joyful galloping step I came up in front of Ruby who was stunned and glanced me with stony eyes. I felt as light as feather as I triumphed over Ruby and fear.
At last, Ruby tried to spell her last attempt:
" well, now you are saved ; but you will see what disaster will come upon you with the sunset in the evening for defying them !
Whole night I had bad dreams of ghosts . I used to run away for escape being chased by them, but always my feet were stuck which made me scream to break up from sleep.
I passed over so many years. But those horrible dreams of ghosts from childhood chased me long time . They are now knocking the threshold of my childhood memory. Now it seems to be only matter of fun.
Next time with more ghost stories.
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