Sipra's diary: [Memoir] "CHILDHOOD FEAR"

 

 

                                          CHILDHOOD   FEAR.         W=1,323//p

 

 Like most other kids I also grew up with fear of ghost and ghost stories. Although   I love to hear the ghost-stories,  but  an orchestra of fear and  lure both used to play  simultaneously  on  my nerve-system.  

I started going  to school at the age of five or six.   An elderly girl was my companion,  

who infused this  unseen fear in me.  On the way to my school I had to cross a church, a cemetery , a football ground enclosed with wooden fencing  and an open field of some timber trees. We used to take  a  regular walk  of 15/20   minutes.

Ruby, my school companion used to spin the record of  ghost stories at the time of returning home from school.  I used to cherish those stories  as the sunlight goes off.   My sisters noticed that   my behavior pattern began to change as the evening set in . I remained close to them; I couldn't go to toilet alone ; There was no electricity in the town  at that time  ; There were  big kerosine lamps for  our study-room and father's table ;Those  lamps were heavy and  so  were placed    on fixed place ;they had powerful light ;there were other three lanterns( harrican )with  handle that could be  carried  from one room to another. I noticed the shadow became sometimes large sometimes small  while moving with  hanging lantern from one room to another .

Ruby told me  the shadow of ghosts   would be always bigger than that of me  and ghosts  woke up as evening  set in.  They speak in nasal voice;  but they can imitate others' voice too  to befool.  I was fully convinced with Ruby's words.   It was scary to me to see my own shadow ; If I was called by my sisters or anyone ,I didn't respond immediately .As I was told the night-ghost( =nishi-vut )  would call the name thrice .  So I responded to fourth call while  the first call always startled me.  I embraced  my sister  on  bed while lying for sleeping  and asked,  

"Why the ghosts always follow kids and not the elders ? Do they  twist the neck and suck only blood from kid's body?"

My  sister asked ,"who said all these rubbish?  'there is nothing known as 'voot' (ghost ).' 

My father was railway employee. There were many Europeans in the  railway neighborhood.  There were big and small  cemetery which were not very far . So we  were  afraid but interested to know about   the  stories of white -ghosts.

 Ruby used to tell me hair-raising ghost story while passing by a cemetery. I had some eerie feeling. She told me not to look at that side. I obeyed her.   I narrated the story to my sister as told by Ruby.

" There  is a cemetery surrounded by low wall,   on the way of  my school;  inside  there are lots of concrete graves under which the white-dead person were buried  ;they sleep at day-time but  wake up in the evening  to take revenge on  live people ! One evening while one of  Ruby's   uncle was coming home from the club ,  he sensed  the smell of strong  perfume and a white suited- booted 'sahib'(=white -skinned person)appeared before him and asked for a cigarette. The uncle said,'  sorry, I don't smoke.' All on a sudden  the sahib-'voot' blew a slap on his cheek  so violently that he fainted on the road .  He laid on the road until  he was seen and rescued to home by a passerby.  His cheek bore  distinctly the signature of  ghost's fingers. " 

His uncle went back to his own place and never visited their house!" 

My sister giggled and embracing me, thumped  my nose dotingly.

 

 " Silly girl,  don't believe this awful stories.  This funny story is known  to us all.  The fact is her uncle  got the slap not from any ghost but from his friend  out of rivalry . The local boys planned to drive that 'dude' snobbish  uncle  from the town .' 

 

 'Listen to me, I'll give you some 'mantra' which will make you brave and bold.'

 "what's that ? I asked eagerly.   

"very easy!" whenever you are frightened, start on uttering 'OM Ram, Ram', .'You will get rid of any  horror; no evil spirit can touch you !'  

My sister said so convincingly  that it worked magically on me !  I  gathered mental  strength .

It was one Saturday, half  school.  School was off at 1:30 instead of  3:30PM.As usual, Ruby started to say, '"this Saturday mid noon is very inauspicious time ; don't walk under the shadow of tree; walk through the middle of the road ; otherwise , ghost would jump from the tree on you  to capture  you .

 I countered her, " But you always. told me that  they wake up only after evening ; moreover , as my sister said not  to believe   any 'vut'.   So I don't believe.   "

Ruby screamed , "how dare are you to utter this?" And that too on the mid noon of Saturday?"

 Pointing to my shadow on the path she  said in husky voice "look down , ghost has caught your feet ! I replied in challenging voice ,"it's  my own shadow  and you  too, have your own!"

Ruby looked  nervous , irritated and confused what to say  more after this;  perhaps little annoyed to notice my new form. She stopped in the midway and said ,"if you don't believe in ghost then go and touch that tree !" 'Bramhaottiy'  occupies this palm tree."

       " "Brah-ma-dotty!"  what's that ? I asked in quivering voice . This never-heard term roused  an eerie feeling  that crawled through my spine .

 

Ruby, " hu-hum... you will know soon how terrible ! he is the ruler of  the 'vuts'(=Superior ghosts dynasty.)   A Brahmin after death becomes "Bramhadotty," more powerful than the common ghosts". 

My courage started dwindling. I started 'Om-Ram-Ram' mantra for safe-guard.

"Go, let me see your courage! go,go!"  

Though I was only 5/6 years old and Ruby was much elder than me, but I  became  desperate  to retreat as she insisted repeatedly. It was a question of prestige for me.

The tall palm tree stood on the road side meadow. I slipped down from the road to sloping meadow   to reach the tree.

 

Remembering my sister’s advice  I was meditating on "Om,Ram-Ram"continuously. I stretched the hand ;my palm was almost to touch the stem of the tree. My body became cold and freezed; my heart was beating  violently like drum to my ear; catching   firmly the stretched  wrist with other hand  I somehow  pushed forward to touch the stem of the tree,  first softly. .. ………….         

No ghost jumped upon my shoulder or strangle my neck from the tree......

I came back to my sense.

Looking at Ruby standing on the road, I said ,"Look, look  here!  I have touched the tree and nothing happened to me ! 

Bursting out of trauma I touched twice more and raised my head to seek  the top of tree but  bright sunrays  blinded me.  With joyful galloping step I came up in front of Ruby   who was stunned and glanced me with stony eyes. I felt as light as feather as I triumphed over Ruby and fear. 

 

At last, Ruby tried to spell her last attempt: 

" well, now you are saved ; but you will see what disaster will  come upon  you with the sunset   in the evening  for defying them !

Whole night I had  bad dreams of ghosts . I used to run away for escape being  chased by them, but always my feet  were stuck which made me scream to break  up from sleep.

I passed  over so many years. But those horrible dreams of ghosts from  childhood chased me long time .  They are now knocking the threshold of my  childhood  memory. Now it seems to be only matter of fun.   

Next time with more ghost stories.

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Sipra's Diary: "APRILFOOL".. .[Ptoject Find]

    

            APRILFOOL

In early days of my school-life ,

Often  I was confused and  duped 

By some of my classmate who cried out,

“Hey,a wasp  hovering over your head!”

 

Holding the bag on head 

Immediately I screamed !

Group of classmates jumped 

And shouted “April-fool,April-fool !”

I understood nothing!

 

Throughout my school-life I remained 

A super-Duper model of April-fool

Both in school  or in neighborhood. 

Though I tried hard to be smart 

And alert, to be tricked by friends 

Protecting me for any foolish act! 

.

Starting from my first school 

On each April I was a gullible fool !

Now I Search  the meaning of 

Celebrating such hoax as festival 

Throughout the world !

 

When did it origin?

What was the historical background?

Perhaps some story be found 

In the fertile hunting   ground of Internet!

 

As  ‘Month of poets’ to be ranked favorable 

Why not to replace “May-fool” or “June-fool”

That also sound   sweet and cool!

Saving April from slandering or defaming!!

 

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Spra's Diary:[pre-posted] EGG FIRST Or CHICKEN .....?April-1/2026

 

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Egg first or chicken first?

What makes the world go round?

Unanimously the answer will be ---it is money,money  the sweet honey!
If money is not flowing , if business do not  keep going,   there will be no innovation ,no growth no investment ,no product ,no jobs . Is'nt a puzzle ?Money was created by people ,"By the people ,of the people and for the people". And now the  power  is reverse.
       It is another piece of example of irony --- played by the TIME.Who drives  the world , money or people?
 Like great puzzle/ enigma. : egg first or chicken first?  

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Sipra's Diary : [ MEMOIR] " Listening to myself ".........

 

 

Life  know not what thou art!

Though you and I walked long together

But why so apart from each other?

 

Throughout the life I swing like a pendulum between dilemma  of : ‘ to be or not to be ,‘to do or not to do’. Seldom I followed what my inner voice  aspire. The reason is that I made compromise with the situation. I gave priority to others’ demand instead of listening to my own voice. 

My first compromise happened with the most important event of life of accepting marriage decided by my parent. They got an exceptional matrimonial offer from some enlightened wealthy family with no demand of dowry; my parent was so elated that they fixed the date of marriage without my knowledge. My parent assumed that I had no objection. My aunt invited us in her house after I did   my Master degree.  My future in-laws family was invited to be introduced with me; the meeting was pre-fixed by my aunt and parent .I knew nothing about marriage ;I behaved freely thinking them just  guests. When my aunt’s daughter asked me whether I liked them, I expressed courteous  opinion, just casually. Due to communication gap of proper understanding between us, my sister showed green signal to my parent. Perhaps in those days parents used to ask indirectly   through third party about marital choice.

Though it sounds now surprisingly amusing but it was quiet normal in India at that time. 

 

       In my youth I didn’t have the traditional feminine desire of raising my own family; I had great fascination of idealistic life which meant to me we were born for good service to others with philanthropic purpose. At that time I cherished in my mind to stand by my father by taking a job and to help him to bring up my two younger brothers. But never disclose my wish, my dream to anybody. My father spent a lot of money for my education by keeping in hostel as he had transferable job and there were no good colleges he was posted.

 

      It was a time when a girl child was brought up only for getting married. .Education was given only to have better matrimonial connection  with a boy of  good family ,having bright career. Parents did not expect any financial help from a girl by earning money for parent.  My parent, too, held  the same  philosophy.

 

   When my mother saw me sobbing in the bathroom as I heard of marriage, she thought I had some boyfriend of my choice. She, apologized in choked voice for not asking my consent directly. 

She said, “ if you want, we can cancel the ceremony; it  costs only  fifty paisa  to send  –a telegram  to the  groom’s father for cancellation. But think of your father, how  his prestige in society will be ruined! A disaster in his life!” 

. .

 “ Ruining the prestige in society!” was like electric shock to me. Instantly my father’s  painful face  floated before my  mind’s eyes .

 

 “No ma, You needn’t do that ! 

The fact is that I have  dispute  not about marriage but about the ‘time’ :I am not mentally prepared now for marriage; I wanted to do  job  and complete the B.Ed course where I am endowed  with full scholarship,” .

 

  “You can do that even after marriage. We shall inform your wish to them. But such a matrimonial connection may not come back again.” said my mother. 

 

I noticed how my decision changed the body language of my mother: one eighty degree; minutes ago she seemed to be a frozen statue of grief, talking in husky trembling voice and now  seemed a joyful  robin bird. She was moving to and fro for ceremonial preparation as swift as a winged fairy .It made me happy; though I gave  consent half-heartedly. 

Introspecting my face, she consoled me softly,

 “ happiness of family is based on the  degree of compromise; It will be good for you !”

 I came inside and saw my father sitting cross-legged on the bed  for everyday meditation like  a calm and peaceful  glowing image !

I said to myself,’ I should never be selfish to hurt my  adorable parent’.

I surrendered my dream to the alter of social prestige, to save the family reputation of my parent.  

 

I remembered I woke up little late with the sunrays of August from window on my face ;the melodious tune of  Shahnai  penetrate  my ear and dashed   on my  heart like waves ;  Three rattling words :’today’,’my marriage’, and ‘compromise’’ like a howling siren  crackled into my  skull !” I got up with  heaviness and headache;  I came out on the front side terrace; Scattered labourers of decorators were busy with lighting arrangements; …the sun was so scorching at 8:30 morning! I never felt before that the   melody of shahnai was  so painfully shrilling; Suddenly I felt  a tremendous anger in me ; a restlessness; I realized I did a great blunder; why had I given consent? I came to the backyard terrace; it was shady and cool ;but strong smell of cooking and noises from the ground floor; But one corner was comparatively silent . COOPER”S REST HOUSE a big bunglow   with huge compound: I was thinking restlessly how to stop the ceremony! With anger I became revengeful; revenge against my father; I leaned against the  cornice  and looked down ; nobody came in my sight; ; Mr. Cooper, the owner of the house was a British ranger officer; he ended his life by suicide ; after that this house came to be known ‘GHOST HOUSE.” 

Should I jump for suicide?  

This was the only way for me to escape from marriage; I surveyed the ground floor again leaning against the cornice;  I wouldn’t die but only thud on the soft earth, even if I jump from this  height; just then somebody touched me from the back; I  looked back startled; saw my cousin sister with a glass of Horlicks for me.

 .

 

Destiny did not accept my choice; coming to later age  I realized  from this first compromise I gained two awesome gifts :my son and daughter. I spent basking on their successful life. My parent left long ago. My two younger brothers are well-settled in life without any help from me;  In short run my choice would have given me self satisfaction, might be elated  in  sacrificing  for greater cause but in the long run life Would have been very lonely and deserted. What happened, has happened for good. 

 

My second compromise happened after marriage: My father-in-law  vehemently  object against taking   teaching job. He thought it was menacing for his family to earn money by daughter-in-law.  My husband encouraged me to fulfill my wish; but I obeyed his father’s order.

 

I repented in the later life for neglecting and spoiling my inner wish .I had innate  ability  for teaching; an arduous zeal for research and academic life which remained  unfulfilled.

 

I learnt from life that we should neither be too rigid nor too flexible about listening to own inner voice; let not compromise  or surrender the core desire to erode the self-identity.

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Snowy the Pampered pet .     Sipra Roy. 

                  (Autobiography)

My name is Snowy, a German Spitz by birth;

I belonged to Roy family as a puppy of one month;

I heard later from their little daughter that I was 

The most precious birthday-gift and pride in her life!

My memory is sharp to remember my early days.

She called me 'Snowy' as I looked a furry piece of white ice.              *

She recorded my each activity in album as her pride piece!

 I felt sad when she left me to play with her friends, 

So whenever I saw I barked  ferociously to  drive them!

I will narrate my memoir of thirteen years bit by bit:

On my first night I spent with them inside the mosquito net 

Between mother and daughter, as the whole night  

I was sleepless and whining in unfamiliar Environment! 

I was fussy to drink milk unless my little Miss 

Feed me with a dropper taking me on her lap.         

 I enjoyed that pampering!

An ugly kitten used to finish my milk from the bowl, 

Me, the poor puppy(!) lacked courage to attack or to howl. 

The senior madam mocked for that to her daughter,

Who with empathy defended dotingly my sissy nature! 

All these stories I heard only, but not remembered

 Later I grew up as a dare-devil macho to kill seven cats 

Perhaps in revenge and in remembrance of past insult!

My little miss also grew up to go college leaving home. 

I was so lonely and sad! I spent the afternoon in gloom.

I waited for the evening for the master to  come .

Out of affection my revered master brought another puppy 

For my company; it was a 'Golden Retriever, cute and fluffy.

He grew up as wild,  notorious  and jealous of me!  

Madam named her "Bicchu" from the very first day. 

He won easily my master as younger and became his favorite.

Noticing that Madam became more kind and soft to me! 

I was happy to win her support and motherly feeling!

[ Bicchu=. Naughty ; scorpio]

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Sipra's Diary : " Mystery of the story that............"

 

My American friends  in the library or in the Story Circle often used to ask   me  in post 9/11 mishap what was the behavior pattern of muslims in India.   Most of them have the  IDEA  that the relationship between us was very stressful which was not at all.   They were very surprised to hear this from me.

I said   most of Indian muslims were converted  from the  Hindu Indians for several reasons .   Indian Caste system was very rigid .

   The "Shudras" or lower caste  Hindu  adopt Islam religion due to partiality and torture from   the Hindu Brahmins as upper class. During the Mughal rule in India Aurangzeb imposed "jijiya tax " to only the Hindu farmers.  So lot of Lower caste Hindus converted to Muslims  to avoid the "tax" . 

Then East India Company ruled 200 years .  The British also offered many parks and facilities to the Muslims only to win their support who were  Christanized   later .  Native home of my in-laws  family    is in Plassey, situated   on the border of present Bangladesh .    99% farmers of our land are Muslims with good   relationship .  

It is the politicians of democratic country  who used them as "pawn"  for their own benefit .    Even now, India is the only safest place where the muslims are celebrating ID festival  peacefully  while the whole world is in turmoil!    

#(21)[Mystery of the Story that remained Unrevealed ]

 

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 [w1092/.  LORD SHIVA  AND  KABA

 

Long long ago.  there lived  a   Hindu king   in  Rajtarangini , near( valley  of  Kasmir),  as came to be known  at present time.    The geographical map of Hindusthan  or India was very much different from now . Pakistan / Afganitan all were included as part of  India or Hindustan. 

The. concept of 'country' was too. far to be formed . The land consisted of multiple number of   kingdoms which were ruled by independent   tribal rulers known as kings .They  were often busy  in fighting  between themselves. for power and land  ;  the powerful  king used to  conquest   the  weaker rulers and subjugated    their kingdoms  annexed to  his own territory . But there was   also great friendship  among some  of the  kings ;they made their bond stronger by setting  matrimonial relationship.  

This   story  happened long  before  the origin of Islam religion . It happened  perhaps before four / five thousand  years ago,  may be more ancient .Thus strong friendship  and love grew up between two   powerful  kings :  one was  the ruler of the land near to  valley of    present  Kashmir while the other was    near  Gandhar , now known as Kandahar   .  In those days Fair was very common  in all these kingdoms  to attract  not only  crowd    or customers   but  it was mainly  important  for  trading  business; Fairs supported the treasury. of kingdom   solid , sound and secured.

Fair in Kashmir took place in autumn   (September ). while in.   Gandhar it was in  the month of  October /November.  One year , it happened that while the workers of  Kashmir  were cleaning the  huge arena   to pitch tents for the fair. ,they found a black piece of   cylinder-shaped   stone  of rock ; they digged the soil deep. to reach the bottom of the rock; the bottom  was flat triangular shaped platter   upon which the cylinder-rock rested .  The news reached to the king; the king visioned  a  message  from lord "Shiva"in dream  declaring,

  " I am "KamaDeba';   I have come to bless the people  of this  kingdom.;   don't cut the adjacent    peepul tree   ;  I  want to  stay under the shadow  of this huge  peepul   tree. "

  But the people of the village demanded to make a temple ,carving a peepul tree on it  under the shade of   original peepul tree .The temple was built and the opening ceremony of fair    commenced with the inauguration of the temple  of  KAMADEBA.  .The temple would remain  closed throughout the year but   be opened  only during the time of fair .

This news spread like prairie fire.  When the fair opened in   the land near  the valley of Kashmir ,   People from far and near    overcrowded unimaginably .  Naturally the trading flourished four times more which added   wealth and prosperity to the  royal treasury. All the future years  also went on gloriously .On the  other hand. Fair lost its importance and glamour  in Gandhar ; it began to  dwindle and  plummeted  which    made the king  sad   and unpopular to his   subjects..

It made both of them unhappy . None of them want to loose their  unselfish love  and friendship for  material causes  .King of Kashmir  realized  that   the popularity   of fair  was due to the devotional attraction of " Kamadev".

Before it turned  into thorn to poison their  relationship,  he proposed to his friend of  Gandhar 

that he would  send   "Kamadeva " to his kingdom during  the time of his festival  so that it could   attract crowd and traders  in the fair  .The proposal was accepted  cheerfully by  his  friend .

Now the problem was how to move the huge rock long way ?  The local people  and the king's subjects might become angry if god   "Kamadeva " is dislodged . from the temple  So the Hindu king planned to make a huge   ebony wheeled-chest -box with lock in which great Kamdeva would be placed under the cover.  of velvet cloth to   be  cautious from  easy sight .   

Thus the wheeled box was easily carried like charriot  in the dark of evening by  some hired outsiders to   the land near    Gandhar    before the opening of the Fair .  It was returned to the temple in the same manner.   In those days communication between people of remote land was too rare to  share . Thus the fact remained unknown to both sides of land except the two kings.

    Fair  of  Gandhar   also became  famous  ,not  merely for  trading but also  as a pilgrimage for " Kamadeva ".  Lots of  childless  women   became mothers after glancing that mystic Rocky  stone  in the chest box .The duration of Fair was for thirty days .It used to end on the day just after new-moon.  The women, both rich and poor ,   became so much biased in their belief that they spent  there  in tents   eating   only  one time some simple. fruits and water .The cause of fasting  might be due to    scanty supply  of abundant  food for huge  crowd, or the belief that fasting (or controlling appetite, physical craving )  would shower blessings and better result! 

The two kings continued their   friendly  relationship throughout their life..   Even   the legacy ran uninterrupted through  several generations for  few hundred years .

 But time never stands still  on one place for longer period.   Following the  natural law  the land changed  its geographical features   within few hundred years  due to   natural calamities like earthquake , land -slide , ice-melting, storm , flood , forest-fire etc; Somewhere   mountain raised peak on the plain,  whereas   green pasture turned into desert ; ,  some river dried  and lost their identity  in  the unknown  region, whereas some new river originated. 

Society in ancient time  was   ruled   on   the basis of  "might was  right " principle.  Powerful   king   won over the weaker kingdom   and sometimes  used to become dictator .   The  new  victorious  king shifted   "Kamdeba'    in   wheeled charriot    near to his   own kingdom  which was   little far  from the previous one . 

Time rolled on changes; changes through merging and breaking ;through formation and dissolution .   With  civilization ,  lands  were introduced with different names , races, religiosn and languages . Any  language connected to its  land   had reached to its present stage through evolutionary changes.

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It is inferred that    "Kabaa"   of Islam Religion  is  like metamorphosis  form of   "Ka'-made-'Ba ";    "KamDeba" is a Sanskrit word ;   which  was not easy  to pronounce   for   many. So   in course of time   only  " KABAA"  remained,  shedding the middle portion  of he word ;    remaining part  persists :   Ka -mde-ba.

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    Confusion with Humanity: Sipra Roy

 "Where to put Putin",

 asked the rebel leader of Ukraine,

  Shouted  the enraged  mass,

"Burry him under the deepest mine!"

Or," throw to some volcano!"-" 

"If  his ashes turn the  earth  to poison? "

"We can drown him under the ocean";

"Alas! he will suck the aqua-dwelling!"

"Lots of problems hover with him

 on earth, ocean , and heaven ,

Let us search and save Ukraine 

from this grave, gloomy situation".

The uprooted mob burst out,

"We want  tooth for tooth, that's the eternal norm," 

A voice  like thunder roars 

 in a pitch of baritone : "Totally wrong"!

Suddenly blue sky was shrouded

 with black cloud and a message 

In lightening appeared

,"Extract and crush the "ism" from Putin;

Who to detect how many future Putins

 are larking to spread wings?

Can the alchemy of 'ism' be eroded 

to replace the heart of global love ?

Then only a new sun of peace-loving world can emerge ,

To erase all enmity and spread universal fraternity.

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