Today is "SIVARATRI". A religious day in India spent by many devotees in fasting wholeday, spending the night awake with singing dancing , story-telling, fun-making etc!
My daughter announced that she would celebrate Sivratri on Wednesday with restricted diet instead of fasting !
I asked with surprise ," how do you come to know about it, when I even didn't remember!'
" O messages from my Indian friends are constantly coming from last two days!'
As a psycho-naut I sailed in memory lane and remember that my grandmother passed away on this day. Her age was 88. Last three months she was suffering in senility. Doctor used to visit her everyday and predicted that her life-span to be maximum ten days. But she was alive about 29 days more after the prediction.
On the day my father told my grandma ,
" those who die on this auspicious day of Sivaratri, they will go to heaven directly.I will be reading whole night 'Chondi' for you. to listen at the interval of each quarter of night ."
Grandma:
" Really, my son, would I go to heaven directly?
She glanced at father with her bright face and large eyes.
....She was very much afraid of 'death'.
Just two days ago of sivaratri I was giving her foot -massage. As the evening sets in, there was power cuts, room was semi-dark . I was about to leave her for bringing a lamp. But she hold my palm tightly and said harshly,
"you shouldn't leave me alone now! Stay here embracing me !"
--" I am going just to bring a lamp for this room."..........
"No, you can't go leaving me alone; then she glanced frightfully all around the room raising her head from the pillow and gazing towards the glass-window whispered me panicked,
"Open all the windows and door; death is coming, [gasping] death is coming to take me ........pressing my hand more and more tightly.........
For a moment I was terrified to think if she stopped living with my hands locked in her palm!...
I wished to run away.....
right at that moment room was lighted simultaneously with chattering voice of my mom and aunt!....
.....I felt so relieved !
....But for that day I found no shadow of death at all on her as she looked so fresh with neatly combed hair in donut and milky-white dhoti.
My father called grandma at every quarter of night for her reciprocal response before chanting "chandi".
But in last quarter of night she didn't respond . She remained silent!
My father gave call to the doctor . The doctor checked her pulse and confirmed that She passed away. All uncle-aunts and family members staying in the same compound crowded in our house within 10/15 minutes.
I was there to supply hot tea everyone. I noticed grandma's peaceful face looking brighter compared to other day; Her body was still warm & soft like others !
Her death ceremony was celebrated with grandeur ...almost like wedding ceremony !
It happened more than 55 years ago.
Long after, it often came in my mind what was the image of 'Death' in the mind of my grandma !
....Was it something like demon with large teeth and sharp nails? Why I didn't ask her about her idea of Death when she asked me to stay with her because Death was coming to take her !
Why was she afraid of staying or confronting death alone ?
Did she think that she needed to fight with Death who is much stronger than her? Did she think me to join in fighting with Death?
or, it wouldn't enter when somebody would be seen with her ?
She suffered a lot with the fear of death;
She looked divine when she actually died . I think she had her last breathe peacefully listening hymns together with strong belief of going to heaven !
Grandma was married at the age of only 7.Her parent's house was in the same neighborhood of the village . She was loved and adored by the villagers as she was the last person living of her generation. So everyday senior visitors used to throng our house to entertain her with memoir and also her favorite snacks which were restricted by doctor.
After her cremation on that day of Shivaratri, uncles villagers came back home in the evening . They were sitting scattered in the back yard lobby and ruminating anecdotes from memory.
One uncle commented with a sigh, 'her death marked the end of One Generation of this village!
Some queer incident happened at that night !
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