Sipra's Diary : [ MEMOIR] " Listening to myself ".........[COMPROMISE]

                            compromise 

Life  know not what thou art!

Though you and I walked long together

But why so apart from each other?

 

Throughout the life I swing like a pendulum between dilemma  of : ‘ to be or not to be ,‘to do or not to do’. Seldom I followed what my inner voice  aspire. The reason is that I made compromise with the situation. I gave priority to others’ demand instead of listening to my own voice. 

My first compromise happened with the most important event of life of accepting marriage decided by my parent. They got an exceptional matrimonial offer from some enlightened wealthy family with no demand of dowry; my parent was so elated that they fixed the date of marriage without my knowledge. My parent assumed that I had no objection. My aunt invited us in her house after I did   my Master degree.  My future in-laws family was invited to be introduced with me; the meeting was pre-fixed by my aunt and parent .I knew nothing about marriage ;I behaved freely thinking them just  guests. When my aunt’s daughter asked me whether I liked them, I expressed courteous  opinion, just casually. Due to communication gap of proper understanding between us, my sister showed green signal to my parent. Perhaps in those days parents used to ask indirectly   through third party about marital choice.

Though it sounds now surprisingly amusing but it was quiet normal in India at that time. 

 

       In my youth I didn’t have the traditional feminine desire of raising my own family; I had great fascination of idealistic life which meant to me we were born for good service to others with philanthropic purpose. At that time I cherished in my mind to stand by my father by taking a job and to help him to bring up my two younger brothers. But never disclose my wish, my dream to anybody. My father spent a lot of money for my education by keeping in hostel as he had transferable job and there were no good colleges he was posted.

 

      It was a time when a girl child was brought up only for getting married. .Education was given only to have better matrimonial connection  with a boy of  good family ,having bright career. Parents did not expect any financial help from a girl by earning money for parent.  My parent, too, held  the same  philosophy.

 

   When my mother saw me sobbing in the bathroom as I heard of marriage, she thought I had some boyfriend of my choice. She, apologized in choked voice for not asking my consent directly. 

She said, “ if you want, we can cancel the ceremony; it  costs only  fifty paisa  to send  –a telegram  to the  groom’s father for cancellation. But think of your father, how  his prestige in society will be ruined! A disaster in his life!” 

. .

 “ Ruining the prestige in society!” was like electric shock to me. Instantly my father’s  painful face  floated before my  mind’s eyes .

 

 “No ma, You needn’t do that ! 

The fact is that I have  dispute  not about marriage but about the ‘time’ :I am not mentally prepared now for marriage; I wanted to do  job  and complete the B.Ed course where I am endowed  with full scholarship,” .

 

  “You can do that even after marriage. We shall inform your wish to them. But such a matrimonial connection may not come back again.” said my mother. 

 

I noticed how my decision changed the body language of my mother: one eighty degree; minutes ago she seemed to be a frozen statue of grief, talking in husky trembling voice and now  seemed a joyful  robin bird. She was moving to and fro for ceremonial preparation as swift as a winged fairy .It made me happy; though I gave  consent half-heartedly. 

Introspecting my face, she consoled me softly,

 “ happiness of family is based on the  degree of compromise; It will be good for you !”

 I came inside and saw my father sitting cross-legged on the bed  for everyday meditation like  a calm and peaceful  glowing image !

I said to myself,’ I should never be selfish to hurt my  adorable parent’.

I surrendered my dream to the alter of social prestige, to save the family reputation of my parent.  

 

I remembered I woke up little late with the sunrays of August from window on my face ;the melodious tune of  Shahnai  penetrate  my ear and dashed   on my  heart like waves ;  Three rattling words :’today’,’my marriage’, and ‘compromise’’ like a howling siren  crackled into my  skull !” I got up with  heaviness and headache;  I came out on the front side terrace; Scattered labourers of decorators were busy with lighting arrangements; …the sun was so scorching at 8:30 morning! I never felt before that the   melody of shahnai was  so painfully shrilling; Suddenly I felt  a tremendous anger in me ; a restlessness; I realized I did a great blunder; why had I given consent? I came to the backyard terrace; it was shady and cool ;but strong smell of cooking and noises from the ground floor; But one corner was comparatively silent . COOPER”S REST HOUSE a big bunglow   with huge compound: I was thinking restlessly how to stop the ceremony! With anger I became revengeful; revenge against my father; I leaned against the  cornice  and looked down ; nobody came in my sight; ; Mr. Cooper, the owner of the house was a British ranger officer; he ended his life by suicide ; after that this house came to be known ‘GHOST HOUSE.” 

Should I jump for suicide?

  

This was the only way for me to escape from marriage; I surveyed the ground floor again leaning against the cornice;  I wouldn’t die but only thud on the soft earth, even if I jump from this  height; just then somebody touched me from the back; I  looked back startled; saw my cousin sister with a glass of Horlicks  for me.

   " O,  here you  are! and  I am so tired to search you every corner!"....  

 .

 

Destiny did not accept my choice; coming to later age  I realized  from this first compromise I gained two awesome gifts :my son and daughter. I spent basking on their successful life.

 My parent left long ago. My two younger brothers are well-settled in life without any help from me;  In short run my choice would have given me self satisfaction, might be elated  in  sacrificing  for greater cause but in the long run life Would have been very lonely and deserted. What happened, has happened for good. 

 

My second compromise happened after marriage: My father-in-law  vehemently  objected against taking   teaching job. He thought it was menacing for his family to earn money by daughter-in-law.  My husband encouraged me to fulfill my wish; but I obeyed his father’s order.

 

I repented in the later life for neglecting and spoiling my inner wish .I had innate  ability  for teaching; an arduous zeal for research and academic life which remained  unfulfilled.

 

I learnt from life that we should neither be too rigid nor too flexible about listening to own inner voice; let not compromise  or surrender the core desire to erode the self-identity.

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Snowy the Pampered pet .     Sipra Roy. 

                  (Autobiography)

My name is Snowy, a German Spitz by birth;

I belonged to Roy family as a puppy of one month;

I heard later from their little daughter that I was 

The most precious birthday-gift and pride in her life!

My memory is sharp to remember my early days.

She called me 'Snowy' as I looked a furry piece of white ice.              *

She recorded my each activity in album as her pride piece!

 I felt sad when she left me to play with her friends, 

So whenever I saw I barked  ferociously to  drive them!

I will narrate my memoir of thirteen years bit by bit:

On my first night I spent with them inside the mosquito net 

Between mother and daughter, as the whole night  

I was sleepless and whining in unfamiliar Environment! 

I was fussy to drink milk unless my little Miss 

Feed me with a dropper taking me on her lap.         

 I enjoyed that pampering!

An ugly kitten used to finish my milk from the bowl, 

Me, the poor puppy(!) lacked courage to attack or to howl. 

The senior madam mocked for that to her daughter,

Who with empathy defended dotingly my sissy nature! 

All these stories I heard only, but not remembered

 Later I grew up as a dare-devil macho to kill seven cats 

Perhaps in revenge and in remembrance of past insult!

My little miss also grew up to go college leaving home. 

I was so lonely and sad! I spent the afternoon in gloom.

I waited for the evening for the master to  come .

Out of affection my revered master brought another puppy 

For my company; it was a 'Golden Retriever, cute and fluffy.

He grew up as wild,  notorious  and jealous of me!  

Madam named her "Bicchu" from the very first day. 

He won easily my master as younger and became his favorite.

Noticing that Madam became more kind and soft to me! 

I was happy to win her support and motherly feeling!

[ Bicchu=. Naughty ; scorpio]

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Sipra's Diary : " Mystery of the story that............"

 

My American friends  in the library or in the Story Circle often used to ask   me  in post 9/11 mishap what was the behavior pattern of muslims in India.   Most of them have the  IDEA  that the relationship between us was very stressful which was not at all.   They were very surprised to hear this from me.

I said   most of Indian muslims were converted  from the  Hindu Indians for several reasons .   Indian Caste system was very rigid .

   The "Shudras" or lower caste  Hindu  adopt Islam religion due to partiality and torture from   the Hindu Brahmins as upper class. During the Mughal rule in India Aurangzeb imposed "jijiya tax " to only the Hindu farmers.  So lot of Lower caste Hindus converted to Muslims  to avoid the "tax" . 

Then East India Company ruled 200 years .  The British also offered many parks and facilities to the Muslims only to win their support who were  Christanized   later .  Native home of my in-laws  family    is in Plassey, situated   on the border of present Bangladesh .    99% farmers of our land are Muslims with good   relationship .  

It is the politicians of democratic country  who used them as "pawn"  for their own benefit .    Even now, India is the only safest place where the muslims are celebrating ID festival  peacefully  while the whole world is in turmoil!    

#(21)[Mystery of the Story that remained Unrevealed ]

 

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 [w1092/.  LORD SHIVA  AND  KABA

 

Long long ago.  there lived  a   Hindu king   in  Rajtarangini , near( valley  of  Kasmir),  as came to be known  at present time.    The geographical map of Hindusthan  or India was very much different from now . Pakistan / Afganitan all were included as part of  India or Hindustan. 

The. concept of 'country' was too. far to be formed . The land consisted of multiple number of   kingdoms which were ruled by independent   tribal rulers known as kings .They  were often busy  in fighting  between themselves. for power and land  ;  the powerful  king used to  conquest   the  weaker rulers and subjugated    their kingdoms  annexed to  his own territory . But there was   also great friendship  among some  of the  kings ;they made their bond stronger by setting  matrimonial relationship.  

This   story  happened long  before  the origin of Islam religion . It happened  perhaps before four / five thousand  years ago,  may be more ancient .Thus strong friendship  and love grew up between two   powerful  kings :  one was  the ruler of the land near to  valley of    present  Kashmir while the other was    near  Gandhar , now known as Kandahar   .  In those days Fair was very common  in all these kingdoms  to attract  not only  crowd    or customers   but  it was mainly  important  for  trading  business; Fairs supported the treasury. of kingdom   solid , sound and secured.

Fair in Kashmir took place in autumn   (September ). while in.   Gandhar it was in  the month of  October /November.  One year , it happened that while the workers of  Kashmir  were cleaning the  huge arena   to pitch tents for the fair. ,they found a black piece of   cylinder-shaped   stone  of rock ; they digged the soil deep. to reach the bottom of the rock; the bottom  was flat triangular shaped platter   upon which the cylinder-rock rested .  The news reached to the king; the king visioned  a  message  from lord "Shiva"in dream  declaring,

  " I am "KamaDeba';   I have come to bless the people  of this  kingdom.;   don't cut the adjacent    peepul tree   ;  I  want to  stay under the shadow  of this huge  peepul   tree. "

  But the people of the village demanded to make a temple ,carving a peepul tree on it  under the shade of   original peepul tree .The temple was built and the opening ceremony of fair    commenced with the inauguration of the temple  of  KAMADEBA.  .The temple would remain  closed throughout the year but   be opened  only during the time of fair .

This news spread like prairie fire.  When the fair opened in   the land near  the valley of Kashmir ,   People from far and near    overcrowded unimaginably .  Naturally the trading flourished four times more which added   wealth and prosperity to the  royal treasury. All the future years  also went on gloriously .On the  other hand. Fair lost its importance and glamour  in Gandhar ; it began to  dwindle and  plummeted  which    made the king  sad   and unpopular to his   subjects..

It made both of them unhappy . None of them want to loose their  unselfish love  and friendship for  material causes  .King of Kashmir  realized  that   the popularity   of fair  was due to the devotional attraction of " Kamadev".

Before it turned  into thorn to poison their  relationship,  he proposed to his friend of  Gandhar 

that he would  send   "Kamadeva " to his kingdom during  the time of his festival  so that it could   attract crowd and traders  in the fair  .The proposal was accepted  cheerfully by  his  friend .

Now the problem was how to move the huge rock long way ?  The local people  and the king's subjects might become angry if god   "Kamadeva " is dislodged . from the temple  So the Hindu king planned to make a huge   ebony wheeled-chest -box with lock in which great Kamdeva would be placed under the cover.  of velvet cloth to   be  cautious from  easy sight .   

Thus the wheeled box was easily carried like charriot  in the dark of evening by  some hired outsiders to   the land near    Gandhar    before the opening of the Fair .  It was returned to the temple in the same manner.   In those days communication between people of remote land was too rare to  share . Thus the fact remained unknown to both sides of land except the two kings.

    Fair  of  Gandhar   also became  famous  ,not  merely for  trading but also  as a pilgrimage for " Kamadeva ".  Lots of  childless  women   became mothers after glancing that mystic Rocky  stone  in the chest box .The duration of Fair was for thirty days .It used to end on the day just after new-moon.  The women, both rich and poor ,   became so much biased in their belief that they spent  there  in tents   eating   only  one time some simple. fruits and water .The cause of fasting  might be due to    scanty supply  of abundant  food for huge  crowd, or the belief that fasting (or controlling appetite, physical craving )  would shower blessings and better result! 

The two kings continued their   friendly  relationship throughout their life..   Even   the legacy ran uninterrupted through  several generations for  few hundred years .

 But time never stands still  on one place for longer period.   Following the  natural law  the land changed  its geographical features   within few hundred years  due to   natural calamities like earthquake , land -slide , ice-melting, storm , flood , forest-fire etc; Somewhere   mountain raised peak on the plain,  whereas   green pasture turned into desert ; ,  some river dried  and lost their identity  in  the unknown  region, whereas some new river originated. 

Society in ancient time  was   ruled   on   the basis of  "might was  right " principle.  Powerful   king   won over the weaker kingdom   and sometimes  used to become dictator .   The  new  victorious  king shifted   "Kamdeba'    in   wheeled charriot    near to his   own kingdom  which was   little far  from the previous one . 

Time rolled on changes; changes through merging and breaking ;through formation and dissolution .   With  civilization ,  lands  were introduced with different names , races, religiosn and languages . Any  language connected to its  land   had reached to its present stage through evolutionary changes.

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It is inferred that    "Kabaa"   of Islam Religion  is  like metamorphosis  form of   "Ka'-made-'Ba ";    "KamDeba" is a Sanskrit word ;   which  was not easy  to pronounce   for   many. So   in course of time   only  " KABAA"  remained,  shedding the middle portion  of he word ;    remaining part  persists :   Ka -mde-ba.

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    Confusion with Humanity: Sipra Roy

 "Where to put Putin",

 asked the rebel leader of Ukraine,

  Shouted  the enraged  mass,

"Burry him under the deepest mine!"

Or," throw to some volcano!"-" 

"If  his ashes turn the  earth  to poison? "

"We can drown him under the ocean";

"Alas! he will suck the aqua-dwelling!"

"Lots of problems hover with him

 on earth, ocean , and heaven ,

Let us search and save Ukraine 

from this grave, gloomy situation".

The uprooted mob burst out,

"We want  tooth for tooth, that's the eternal norm," 

A voice  like thunder roars 

 in a pitch of baritone : "Totally wrong"!

Suddenly blue sky was shrouded

 with black cloud and a message 

In lightening appeared

,"Extract and crush the "ism" from Putin;

Who to detect how many future Putins

 are larking to spread wings?

Can the alchemy of 'ism' be eroded 

to replace the heart of global love ?

Then only a new sun of peace-loving world can emerge ,

To erase all enmity and spread universal fraternity.

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Sipra's Diary: Mosquito And the Elephant

                                                                                                 

 #3). Title :Mosquito & elephant .           Sipra Roy 

Words=655           

 

Secret Conference of International mosquitoes in Tampa,(Florida) 

 The executive of international  mosquitoes has called a sudden confidential meeting which held nearby the semi-dark  calvert of the big swampy drain of  Tampa . The gathering was small, limited and only of males  mosquitoes.                                                                       

 

The leader announced that they must  flee to some safe place  right after the evening to save their lives. He has heard that American Mosquito Control Association would spray  strong pesticides from next day to make the town free of mosquitoes  causing dengue as epidemic  in the town.   

 

'Let not accompany the female folk; because they are the apple of discord ; actually it is "they" who bite  human beings and spread disease.Moreover they are all pregnant ,ready to give birth after  the rainy season .Where ever they go , they will make the place  dingy place by laying eggs .Within two weeks all the eggs become adult to cause human concern .

 

"So only those will follow me who are willing to join  'monk-mosquito party' without any relation with the female folk ."

 

As they started northward they were swept by strong wind and rain ; they were scattered and lots of them died .

Finally a smaller sect reached to a place named as  to  Memphis.

The wind helped them to cross long distance in short time.

 

The  leader declared to the team that by good luck  they reached in a zoo, not in the neighborhood of  brutal human specie! It is  in the outskirt of the proper township of Memphis...

Animal neither protest nor know how to apply pesticides ; they have only their tails to drive unwanted flies or insects.

 

"pin-pin-pin, you are right,  you are, % percent right  my darling, pin-pin---;

To his horror, the leader asked,who are you ? 

 

"I am your better-half, proud mother of your future dynasty, PinPin, pin .........!

"O gosh! How do you come here !"

"I followed you with my intimate group of some more females ; We came to know by eaves-dropping, about your  conspiracy  in the clandestine meeting, of your  utter selfishness to banish family!They started complaining ,pin-pin-pin in chorus ..."

 

The leader mosquito and the monk-group were tired and hungry; though extremely irritated,  but they have no strength to argue . 

 

"OK! stop your singing in such  shrilling voice to make others conscious of our presence until we finish our meal !Go away with your mates from here to fetch your own, if you need .

 

The leader saw  a white elephant nearby ; so it began to suck blood from some softest part of its body up to  its content.

 

......It was almost dawn. so they must find out to rest in some dark safe zone. With full of blood in stomach, the monk -mosquito felt  terrible attraction  for the white  elephant .

So coming  in front it asked the elephant,"I am charmed with your beauty;Will you accept my love ?'

From the  swinging of the large ears  of the elephant the idiot mosquito assumed he got permission. So instantly it availed the pleasure of opportunity. 

Being fulfilled with all physical pleasure it conveyed  the elephant near to the ear,

" I am done. I will meet you tomorrow again ."

  The elephant was munching as usual.

 To become convinced for meeting on the next day,the monk-mosquito entered close to the ear of the elephant to ask apologetically,

 

"Ele, ele , did I hurt you...did I ?..."

..it repeated the same, singing closer to the ear, pin-pin-pin-pin.

 

The elephant blew its ears due to irritation. and the mosquito was thrown  far away  headlong  on hard floor and was about to  die ;  he saw its clan flying above gleefully, perhaps towards  some safe shelter.   

It tried to warn. before dying ,

            "hey  buddy, never try to befriend outside your own clan, specially with any bigger creature ! but no pin-pin-pin came from its  voice .

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Sipra's Diary : "Churning of the Ocean "

  

CHURNING OF THE OCEAN:  Sipra. Roy.              Words= 536//  

Many scientific thesis/ idea popped up in the kitchen and proliferated later  as   great mind-blowing  discovery. Such as:  the boiling water  making the lid  move on the kettle made James Watt curious in his early boyhood . It gave him the idea of power that steam can produce which inspired him later to discover steam engine .

   A falling apple from the tree led a kid to discover the   law of gravitation; while. most kids feels to rush and grab it quickly.

Many discoveries pop up from simple incidents due to curiosity of: "how" and "why"! 

Necessity and curiosity are the  keys or mother  of all inventions.

 .....While I cut vegetables or work  with  on the grinder  or fruit juicer ,many interesting ideas  related to this cosmos evolve in my mind. In my busy days most  ideas  came and faded away as there was no time to ruminate or culture . Now often they peep at and beckon  me from the tomb.

When I work on blender with  milk  for coffee   it reminds me the churning of the ocean    as.   the cream of the milk  floats as thick layer over the milk,  while the blade spin with milk in the container of blender. 

Similarly, due to the churning of the ocean the  best material of the earth came up  upper  layer  which is described in Hindu religion as "Amrita", which means ambrosia. It is only the Hindu scripture which mentions  and explains  elaborately  about the churning of the  ocean  in details.  It represents the latest scientific theory of DNA  in  the   most attractive and  interesting coverage  of mythological stories thousands and thousands years ago! I often feel  about the cosmologist to  dive deep into Hindu  Cosmological theory   thoroughly  first before   wasting  huge money globally, for scientific research ! 

 It is really amazing   to think. how the Hindu scriptures  treasure the  symbiosis of   cosmic vibrations and cosmology so vividly : nothing is lost  since the universe is born ;  only needs exploration with new lens of mind,  new version of consciousness!

Kitchen is a great laboratory to learn and practice .

 I purchased some Onions . They look very good and fresh from the outside . When I cut the big one   in two pieces then I noticed  that some  middle  portion of the onion was discolored. and  rotten .So I peeled the onion layer by layer to take out the rotten portion from  the middle .To my surprise. I noticed. that every layer of the onion was clothed with  a superfine thin silky  layer (like a jacket ,almost invisible) which separate each layer from the other. Nature gave them the power of 'social distance" from the infected one. So I cut the rotten portion of any fruit or vegetable ( local surgery! ),  to save the rest  for consuming.

When I cut vegetables or fruits, I am amazed to notice how do the crafty nature arranged the  seeds  inside  the fruit both with  sagacity and art! 

I took the photo of the onion I mentioned above, and  apple cut -in two halves  with seeds embedded  within,  like  flowery pattern in a Jewelry box.  I wish to attach the photos with this article, ( if I can! ). 

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Sipra's Diary: ENIGMA OF THE FINANCIAL WORLD:

Sipra's Diary :Enigma of the Financial world.

 The financial world is a giant gambling place almost like a casino in Las Vegas. But far more complicated to apprehend, far more fatal. Because it is planned and operated not by any lifeless mechanical machine but by the Frankenstein's brain-in-human and affected the lives of all people in the country; no matter whether people are willing to join or not,, they become 'part 'of the gambling game and not as mere 'viewers' but receivers or victims. 

With the advent of globalization, the after-effect is not limited to one country but affects globally. As it has been a cliche that if the butterfly flutters its wings in one corner of the sky, it may cause a tornado to other parts of the world.
In Casino game, there is an option for the people to choose whether they wish to take risk of playing or sit to enjoy as viewers ..

Financial World strides with pride differently; it is not based on any strict Principles of ethics or scientific method. Perhaps no scientific formula works! The target of the Financial world is only to create wealth. It is not based on the formula of 2 +2 =4. When  2+ ever-oscillating behavioural psychology of customers are added to the power of 2, then the outcome might be 40  or only 0 instead of a' definite 'result of 4. There is no way than to watch patiently for the future.  That is why this zone is very volatile, and uncertain.' Boom and Bust' is their banner; Resembles true character and fate of bubble! This is the tragic paradox where we have to live and survive!

 
In 1950s Carlos Ponzi, an Italian swindler became a billionaire  by following a theory like "Rob Peter, pay Paul ".It became popular as' Ponzi-scheme', not only in the western world but in other parts also proliferated. Multiple bonds of similar type were sold. In India, there were Peerless company, "Sonchoyita", "Sarada'. 'Techno-India'"  Money-Matter, Rose valley and many others, It benefitted the middle-class and low middle class as well as the founders who became a millionaire  in a short period.  But "Sonchoyita' "Sarada "no more exist. They melt down suddenly with scandal. 

Some of the founder father ended life with suicide. Those who were efficient they escaped by changing their skin or colour by swiping money to another field Best way for these swindlers to escape is to align with some non-profit organization, a hospital for destitute, Old Home etc. Peerless is still reigning with prestige by investing in hotel hospital real estate and another philanthropic field.

It  is really confusing to me to understand  the relationship between 'corruption' and the booming economy of a country."

India is rising,"China is rising"!All the so-called "rising" countries are known as "BRIC" notoriously dishonest and full of criminal activities.
In my limited experience, I noticed that since 2005 the people we knew as 'poor' suddenly climbed a higher economic ladder. Many house-maids in our neighbourhood borrowed money from householder they worked,  for making houses on the land got from the government in the outskirt of the megacity.........

Is the mathematical formula of uprising economy is based on 
corruption?

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Sipra's Diary: "Little learning is dangerous"

                                             "LITTLE LEARNING ............."

I am realizing now for myself  how much intensity of truth lies in the idiom"little knowledge is more dangerous"  than utter ignorance. I was quite good in the old world of  my pen and paper with abundant freedom; I used to write anytime according to my wish,according to my mood.Coming to US, I felt one who doesn't know computer he is like a blind ;and one who doesn't know driving ,he/she is  lame; and I am both.
Just after marriage my husband was intensely eager to teach me driving;within one week I became confident about myself that I was never born to learn it.
Now it is also redundant in New York.
 But i-phone and computer seemed to be a must. so with immense curiosity, I ventured to step in the arena of g-zero generation;  Perhaps it was a blunder/sin, for me. I was fascinated to explore this new-found mines of knowledge; so I joined a free computer class for adult in the library. I learnt little there, and the rest by trial and error by myself and by begging help to visitor  guest. As not properly learnt, I have no clear concept about the internet. I often suffer in confusion.

I write in the 'Microsoft words' first and then send it to Google 'draft'. I wrote lots of stories articles memoir and fiction in MS. Fiction cannot be finished in one day. When I want to write next time in Microsoft, I don't find the previous one; when I don't find my stuff, I am stuck and blocked. I feel so frustrated with my failure that I thought much time to go back to my old pavilion. But I can not; I lost the previous connection with the old one but could not handle the new one: technology.
I am caught in a trap. I am 'trapped' in the magical network of the internet. With high expectation, I wrote E-mail to Google  'Help'Team to rescue my lost pieces, but in vain. Until now I wasted a lot of time in fumbling instead of writing.
I remembered childhood adage  how' little learning is
a backlash!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sipra's Diary : ...." Foot -Print of memoir.'"...[ IQ,memory, mind]

  IQ , memory ,mind ...

  I learnt from my mom and later from book that  origin of human IQ is from 9 months to 9 years .  So the popular adage  runs if  those who lack intelligence at the age of 9, they lack it  even at 90.  Human IQ is closely related to brain .  A child can learn poem quickly than an adult or senior person  as the power of brain , and the power to memorize  is strong in early age than that of late age. 

But memory is different from IQ. [= intelligence Quotient].  I am well-known as  forgetful, careless person .  But I wonder when I retrospect then  some events of my very early childhood I can memorize,  even when I was less than 2years only!.....................

The age difference between me and my brother is only 2 years .The incident I remember...............

" .....We came back  at night [perhaps]  from my father's native village ......it was summer .......I woke up at midnight due to pang of hunger ;I came to  know perhaps for the first time kick of fasting  stomach ....I  was surprised to notice that all doors were unusually opened wide  at   night ....  it was moonlit night ;......I was able to see well through the opened door  outside the attached veranda and backyard.........

I called  again and again ,"ma ,ma!  

Sleepy mom  replied, 'umm'.....

" I am hungry; give me some food "........ 

 I went on repeating ....getting the 'same' response from mom.

 At last mom murmured,   'please wait until morning comes up'.........

My younger brother started to suck breast -milk  making sound "chuck,chuk'............

I felt I was  thirsty  also!

Again I called mom to say that & no response . 

Then somehow I managed to get down from the cot and came to the veranda where  I saw two earthen pots of water  kept in the corner ;   I tried first with the smaller one which  did not have any water ;   then   I inserted my hand with glass into the big pot and collected little sedimentary water after trying two three times...... I came back to room .after drinking  that much.......insufficient 

........ suddenly a crow called 'caw caw'.....

With the high hope  that  'desired morning 'has come ....I called my mom again gleefully ,  

"ma,  ma ,  wake up !  crow calls, 'wake up'... it is morning ,.......I'am hungry, wake up!  give me food "

Sleepy  mom replied    "morning  is yet to approach later ,........come here and lie down .".........

.....I heard only one crow called once ....then silent ....[ was it also  cry  due to hunger?], .....looking back I saw  the  moonlit backyard under  the clear blue   sky!...............

  Perhaps I was convinced that I need  to lie down and wait  for the morning to come .........

I tried to  get up on the cot to lie beside mom.......but it was too hard to get up ........it was too  high for me  to get up ...  I don't know howI got down ......I tried and tried.......

. ......the rest was  lost ......

  I didn't remember  what happened after................

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Humiliation

Another event  : My father was transferred in Modhupur, Bihar.; he got his accommodation  in a neighborhood  known as ' Saheb-Bunglow. most of our neighbors were white British people .  The Indians in the neighborhood also imitate British lifestyle. I had a sharp feeling that the place was different from the previous town we lived  .

I used to go to a friend named Babli's house every afternoon;  some other  girls used to come  to play in their  garden. Babli treated me as my  boss as I was much junior than her . She loved me as her vassal. Babli was the only daughter.  She had two unmarried sisters and a cousin sister . They all loved me. 

One afternoon as I went to play ,  Babli with her family members was going out  . She caught my hand and asked her mother to accompany me with them . First I objected ; but it was just upstairs their house; she pulled my hand .  They were invited for birthday party  of their daughter; perhaps there were some more guests . Babli's  family  were greeted warmly by the host family .All the guests were chatting , laughing in festive mood ;

I was sensitive ;I was feeling  I was not welcomed there ;  I should not come as I saw nobody of my family! But Babli caught my hand as soon as I was trying to slip  away.   Then the host served fancy dishes  full of snacks to guests  except me ; I felt to run out of the room ;  Just then an old lady casting  shocked look at me asked her daughter-in-law " O Bouma,  please give this cute baby, sitting here  with dry face; Aha-ha  poor girl!

A  disgusted  woman gave me  unwillingly only  rice-porridge in a metal bowl with spoon.  I felt  extremely humiliated.  I was  unwanted guest. A sense of  'guilty' to join as  uninvited  was also  hurting me! 

Babli was busy to unfurl the packets and look to the gifts.  So were the other guests also! I slipped away from the place to my home without  anybody's notice!  I did not disclosed the event to none at home!

So many years passed over me ; still  I carry the feeling  as I am writing ! 

*******************************************************

INSULT

 I was then in grade  four in  Giridih.  My father stayed here two and half years,....comparatively long time .  My childhood memory centering  Giridih  was quite rich in diversity and interesting to me.  I learnt many things here ! From  8 to 10 and half years were most glorious period of my childhood!

I was a student  of grade four in  Girls High School which was the number second schooling's my life .The school building and the surrounding  compound was larger than that of the # first school.

 .Grade four and five were free , no fees but  monthly one  'Quarter'. was charged for each student . My two brothers  had to give fees as they were in higher class . My mom used to give my brothers and me the "quarter"on the 16 th. of each month  as my father had his salary on the 15th of the month. Due to my sister's marriage  and festivals perhaps my mom forgot to give me that quarter.

One day after roll call the teacher announced :  

"following students are requested to meet the clark in the office as they are defaulters" ;  3girls including me in our  class went to the office where I saw some more [2/3 ] girls around the table of the clark.The clark was asking each one to clear the dues. When he turned to me I answered, "Sir I cannot give tomorrow but after the 15 th of the month. He turned his face  to me annoyedly , "Why?"

I answered  innocently,  "Because I can give after my father gets his salary."

"Huh!" "Can't give a quarter  in  time and coming to school  to study!"

  I  was not ready  at all for such thunder!

 It was summer ; the passing sun rays of early morning made his  ear pink ; he was very fair, tall , short  hairstyle like defense soldier ! Other girls  turned head towards me and  grinned. I wanted to run out of the office  but I couldn't. As if my feet was stuck  to floor  to become statue, in sheer insult!.....I came to class from the office . 

The clark's disdain voice  echoed  throughout the way while coming back to home;   .....I noticed my mom while she served me food... .At least 4/5 items, might be more in the plate .......I  told nothing to anybody ...... I played in  the afternoon ......but that disrespecting voice

ran on ...........

*********************************************************

Sipra's Diary: Tapestry of memoir and memory.

 

TAPESTRY OF MEMOIR AND MEMORY

Seniors seem  to be autumn -plant 

 Even with soft   sentimental touch 

 Fall apart , fragments of memory

 Like   dry but tinted   leaves .

Where  flies the glamour or flavor of life?

If variety is the spice of life 

Why not memory be?

why laughter romance fun

vaporize  through strainer in memoir;

Leaving in arid desert only warm sigh and  tear?

Let sprinkle of laughter and humor

be    added   to  serve  as dessert !!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

    Memoir or autobiography is written on the basis of one's    "ABILITY'   to collect  memories ; one need to retain the past  events and images. 

 We passed through variety of experiences and emotions in life; Joys sorrows , love ,  loss  , gain ,laughter , fun festivals bitterness sufferings ,reward , insult and what not : whole gamut of emotions. 

We  the seniors, share our stories with one another in memoir classes  last two years The seniors focus mostly the negative side of life ;Out of ten members elaborately  write and explain about disease.  (mostly cancer), painful delivery of baby or death of beloved near and. dear one ., survival of   holocaust , neglected and troubled   childhood , unhappy marriage ending in   divorce, racism or surviver as  victim of rape  ; I feel   these are  no doubt painful events to forget ;But is n't life something more?

I always think why nobody writes   much about   stupidity   fun and humor  in every day life to make the readers' laugh. instead  of impressing their mind with tragedy ?   

Charlie Chaplin said" A day without laughter is a day wasted;Laughter is the tonic, the relief from pain."

Really,Life is a tragedy when  seen in close up, but become  comedy in long shot ; so   better to look life through  not microscope  but telescope .  Writing memoir is  a psychotherapy, a catharsis . Even the sad events loose  the edginess  as it becomes metamorphosis  through  the long gap of time ! 

I am noticing last 10/15  years the trend of literature is   turning to  add to  the  heap  of cook-book   storage and personal   memoir/ autobiography .  

Is it the future of  our  literature?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

                                                   Sipra Roy

Sipra's Diary : Covid-19... [Part of Fiction]

 As Ronjoy turned his head , he saw Kunal  is busy in counting  the bunch  of toilet papers seriously , as if solving  some mathematical problem ! 

Looking to  Ronjoy watching him , Kunal  said with glowing face ,”We have no problem of toilet papers at least for two weeks ! 

 

Ronjoy replied irritatingly, 

 

”Damn it; tissue or toilet papers should never be our problems till there is tap water; We have other  healthier alternatives ! Now the westerns  will  learn some good habit  and might follow us. Our problem is now ‘food’!

 

 Hamid giggled from the kitchen .  Looking to eyes of  Ronjoy , he replied promptly

‘ egg curry is done; only ten minutes more to finish rice,” just  like a doting mother pacifying her child. 

 

  'It’s fine; let us help you ;  Ronjoy started to clean the kitchen counter ;Kunal also  joined to make the plates ready C

 

 

“Hi guys! With a coffee mug Rachael,  [ their front door neighbor] entered and opening  the refrigerator   poured  some milk  in her mug  from the can without any formalities   and replaced the can in right place before closing the door. 

Rachael: I  need hot milk- coffee to drink, for I had a headache and cough.

 

Ronjoy jumped backwards from Rachael.

“So cough and headache! Any other symptom like throat-soar or fever ?.

 

Rachael: No, Mr. Corona-specialist!  She made distorted faces by showing tongue and shaking heads.  

 As She turned towards the door with her mug , Ronjoy rushed to her,

"Listen Rachael, can you lend me  one of  your ‘bra’ ? Rachael throws a stunt look to the eyes of Ronjoy directly  with slightly opened mouth in awe !

 Being embarrassed Ronjoy ,  stepped little backwards from Rachael;    he began to stammer in trembling voice

“ I m-mean , I m-m-for mmusk , pointing his nose covering with palm; fluttering his  palms helplessly he added ,n-no stock in Amazon.com ! 

 

By the time Emily, Rachael’s room-mate appeared   impatiently opening  the door “Coffee is brewing and I’m tired of waiting for milk”; She  snatched the mug from Rachael and the two women disappeared quickly.

                                                                        

Kunal  : You are really  crazy! Lucky  enough not to have a slap from her.........

"Come, dinner is waiting” said Hamid .

The three hungry boys finished  the plates in such a way that plates  looked   as clean  as washed ! 

Kunal:      Really, how did you learn to cook  so tasty meal, Hamid? 

Hamid:     Simply watching my Mom . 

 

‘Well, How long Sally  will take to come back from the Airport?  ‘Hamid asked .

                                                                                    

Ronjoy :  Not before 2 AM .I have told Sally to arrange some hotel for his Uncle who is coming directly from Hongkong .  He should not mind  that we can’t take risk of our life at this present situation! Let us put our utensils in dishwasher and celebrate  the Friday night with some comedy movie. 

 

The three took seat on the couch , each with a comforter so that they can sleep there, If needed .

The door-bell rang. ………….

 

With wide panicky eyes the three  boys uttered   simultaneously ,

”May be Sally with uncle!”

 

Disapproving their assumption, Rachael and Emily peeped with notorious smile from the half-opened door and threw two balls of cloth which struck to Ronjoy,s nose.

 “For your masks, you fertiled–brained Bong brats !”

With laughing comment they disappeared.

 

  Ronjoy quickly unfurled the balls and his face became bright with excitement as  he was  counting, 

“one, two, three bras” Ronjoy exclaimed ‘Hurray .’! Let us make masks for  us all. But we need needle and scissors. “

 

Hamid and Kunal rushed to their room to fetch those materials. Ronjoy put each cup

On his nose  before   distributing. He threw the big one to Hamid saying, “This one  will match to your big face.

  

Kunal   googled the image of mask in his  laptop .

They cut each bra in two pieces. Like expert tailors they  finished home -made mask.

within an hour; In front of mirror they put on for trial. 

 

Hamid with printed brown color  bra(m)-ask looked funny .

“You look like big cat ,“     kunal joked.

 

Removing the mask said  Hamid ,

 

”the pad is so thick that I have to die in suffocation , not in Corona. 

 

Ronjoy:    But we must admit that we can use it at least in case of emergency. I am really worried of Sally’s uncle from Hongkong ;  hope Sally won’t bring him here…….

Anyway our neighbor  is so helpful!

 

   As Sally called them to inform that   he will not return at night,

They switched off the TV and went  to sleep peacefully. *