Sipra's diary: Memoir :: "Childhood fear"

                           CHILDHOOD   FEAR

 Like most  other kids I  also grew up with fear of ghost and ghost stories. Although   I love to hear the ghost-stories,  but  an orchestra of fear and  lure both used to play  simultaneously  on  my nerve-system.  

I started going  to school at the age of five or six.   An elderly girl was my companion,  who infused this  unseen fear in me.  On the way to my school I had to cross a  church, a cemetery , a football ground enclosed with wooden fencing  and an open field of some timber trees. We used to take  a  regular walk  of 15/20   minutes.

Ruby, my school companion used to spin the record of  ghost stories at the time of returning home from school.  I used to cherish those stories  as the sunlight goes off.   My sisters noticed that   my behavior pattern began to change as the evening set in . I remained close to them; I couldn't go to toilet alone ; There was no electricity in the town  at that time  ; There were  big kerosine lamps for  our study-room and father's table ;Those  lamps were heavy and  so  were placed    on fixed place ;they had powerful light ;there were other three lanterns( harrican )with  handle that could be  carried  from one room to another. I noticed the shadow became sometimes large sometimes small  while moving with  hanging lantern from one room to another .

Ruby told me  the shadow of ghosts   would be always bigger than that of me  and ghosts  woke up as evening  set in.  They speak in nasal voice;  but they can imitate others' voice too  to befool.  I was fully convinced with Ruby's words.   It was scary to me to see my own shadow ; If I was called by my sisters or anyone ,I didn't respond immediately .As I was told the night-ghost( =nishi-vut )  would call the name thrice .  So I responded to fourth call while  the first call always startled me.  I embraced  my sister  on  bed while lying for sleeping  and asked,  

"Why the ghosts always follow kids and not the elders ? Do they  twist the neck and suck only blood from kid's body?"

My  sister asked ,"who said all these rubbish?  'there is nothing known as 'voot' (ghost ).' 

My father was railway employee. There were many Europeans in the  railway neighborhood.  There were big and small  cemetery which were not very far . So we  were  afraid but interested to know about   the  stories of white -ghosts.

 Ruby used to tell me hair-raising ghost story while passing by a cemetery. I had some eerie feeling. She told me not to look at that side. I obeyed her.   I narrated the story to my sister as told by Ruby.

" There  is a cemetery surrounded by low wall,   on the way of  my school;  inside  there are lots of concrete graves under which the white-dead person were buried  ;they sleep at day-time but  wake up in the evening  to take revenge on  live people ! One evening while one of  Ruby's uncle   from Delhi (who was  handsome and  over-smart),  was coming home from the Recreation club , he sensed  the smell of strong  perfume and a white suited- booted 'sahib' (=white -skinned person)  appeared before him and asked for a cigarette. The uncle said,          '  sorry, I don't smoke.' All on a sudden  the sahib-'voot' blew a slap on his cheek  so violently that he fainted on the road .  He laid on the road until  he was seen and rescued to home by a passerby.  His cheek bore  distinctly the signature of  ghost's fingers. " 

Next day  her  uncle went back to his own place and  since then  never visited their house!" 

As I narrated the  Ruby's story my sister giggled and embracing me, thumped  my nose dotingly to say 

 "    You silly girl,  don't believe this awful stories.  This funny story is known  to us all. 

 The fact is her uncle  got the slap not from any ghost but from  the  known  local  young  boys,  out of rivalry . The local boys planned to drive  that 'dude' snobbish  uncle  from the town ." 

Still I was  not convinced .Sensing  that  my sister further added ,

          'Listen to me, I'll give you some 'mantra' which will make you brave and bold.'

 "what's that ?    I asked eagerly.   

"very easy!" whenever you are frightened, start on uttering 'OM Ram, Ram',! 

.'You will get rid of any  horror; no evil spirit can touch you !'  

My sister said so convincingly  that it worked magically on me !  I  gathered mental  strength .

It was one Saturday, half  school.  School was off at 1:30 instead of  3:30PM.As usual, Ruby started to say, '"this Saturday mid noon is very inauspicious time ; don't walk under the shadow of tree; walk through the middle of the  road ; otherwise , ghost would jump from the tree on you  to capture  you .

 I countered her, " But you always. told me that  they wake up only after evening ; moreover , as my sister said not  to believe   any 'vut'.   So I don't believe.   "

Ruby screamed , "how dare are you to utter this?" And that too on the mid noon of Saturday?"

 Pointing to my shadow on the path she  said in husky voice "look down , ghost has caught your feet ! I replied in challenging voice ,"it's  my own shadow  and you  too, have your own!"

Ruby looked  nervous , irritated and confused what to say  more after this;  perhaps little annoyed to notice my new form. She stopped in the midway and said ,"if you don't believe in ghost then go and touch that tree !" 'Bramhaottiy'  occupies this palm tree."

       " "Brah-ma-dotty!"  what's that ? I asked in quivering voice . This never-heard term roused  an eerie feeling  that crawled through my spine .

Ruby, " hu-hum... you will know soon how terrible ! he is the ruler of  the 'vuts'(=Superior ghosts dynasty.)   A Brahmin after death becomes "Bramhadotty," more powerful than the common ghosts". 

My courage started dwindling. I started 'Om-Ram-Ram' mantra for safe-guard.

"Go, let me see your courage! go,go!"  

Though I was only 5/6 years old and Ruby was much elder than me, but I  became  desperate  to retreat as she insisted repeatedly.It was a question of prestige for me.

The tall palm tree stood on the road side meadow. I slipped down from the road to sloping meadow   to reach the tree. Remembering my sister I was meditating on "Om,Ram-Ram"continuously. I stretched the hand ;my palm was almost touching the stem of the tree. My body became cold and freezed; my heart was beating  violently like drum to my ear; catching   firmly the stretched  wrist with other hand  I somehow  pushed forward to touch the stem of the tree,  first softly. .. No ghost jumped upon my shoulder or strangle my neck from the tree......

I came back to my sense.

Looking at Ruby standing on the road, I said ,"Look, look  here!  I have touched the tree and nothing happened to me ! 

bursting out of trauma I touched twice more and raised my head to seek  the top of tree but  bright sunrays  blinded me.With joyful galloping step I came up in front of Ruby   who was stunned and glanced me with stony eyes. I felt as light as feather as I triumphed over Ruby and fear.   

At last, Ruby  tried to spell her last attempt: 

" well, now you are saved ; but you will see what disaster will  come upon  you with the sunset   in the evening  for defying them !

Whole night I had  bad dreams of ghosts . I  used to run away for escape being  chased by them, but always my feet  were stuck which made me scream to break  up from sleep.

I passed  over so many years. But those horrible dreams of ghosts from  childhood chased me long time .  They are now knocking the threshold of  my  childhood  memory. Now it seems to be only matter of fun.   

Next time with more ghost  stories.

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Sipra's Diary :Collections from the University of Columbia......Trip to India

  Trip to Mumbai

The University of Columbia landed in Mumbai with its 25  students .Mumbai is the financial and commercial capital of India. From being an ancient city of fishing community consisted  of  cluster of seven islands , it became south Asia's largest city . It is seventh  among the top ten cities of billionairs  and ranked as an  "Alfa World City".

   Entrance of Mumbai  harbor  is marked by  the 'Gateway of India . It is  most chaotic and crowded city. For several decades it has become main financial services for infrastructure development and private investment.  Until 1970s  Mumbai owed its prosperity largely to textile mills and sea-port .Mumbai has witnessed economic boom since the liberalisation  trade Act of 1991, the financial boom came with  outsourcing , services and export  since  2000 . 

Along with blue-collar skilled engineers ,the city has  large unskilled , semi-skilled  population who earn livelihood as hawkers, mechanics  , masons and construction workers , auto and taxi -drivers, and large  recycling industry located in"Dhrabi"( which is known as the largest slum of Asia),  is increasing . They played a key role in the emerging economy  of this country .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            The city has an estimated 15, 000   single-room factories. Thousands of migrants from all over the country  thronged   here for  better  income and livelihood  All financial regulator sectors such as SEBI, NSE, RBI and BSE  are based in Mumbai. Mumbai is the hub of Bollywood Film Industry.Being the financial, commercial and entertainment capital of India, Mumbai alone contributes  more than 5%of. the total GDP  of industrial output.

The famous Taj Hotel was allotted   to the team for   staying  to attend  seven days' class .Taj Mahal Palace and Tower Hotel was famous not only as  being marked 'five star'   or for grandeur  but it trails the glorious history with it .... A reputed story is that    Once Jamshedji Tata  was refused to WATSON HOTEL due to being reserved  strictly for the Europeans.  This invoked him  to plan the construction of the luxurious    hotel with 560 rooms and 44 suits .  It is declared as heritage building.Many distinguished guests, politicians famous painter, writers stayed  here.  

On the first day afternoon ( Before the class started) The professor arranged  the 'Taj tour'  for the team with   designated guide .The guide was   smart,   young attractive and knowledgeable.  He became  ever- enthusiastic  to see the  well reputed team of Executive Management Business  School  (EMBS) students from America.  All the students except three were male fokes .   The tour  took three hours  in the morning half ;  again two and half  hour in the afternoon from 5:PM.  The building , though repaired  still   some portion of wall is  still   stained  in memory with  the  horror of terrorist attack  of 2009  on some innocent  tourists  : an assault to humanity  as such ,  a   disgraceful    chapter in history. ................................   My daughter studied in Mumbai IIT.  She could have chosen   Brazil  instead  of India But she had great crush on  the 'Taj'. Every time she used to come India  from US, she strongly desired but it was  so expensive that did not happen .  I used to console her "you always stay in  best hotel in your  official business tour; "       

"O  mom!    office will never allot  the 'Taj' of Mumbai or  'the Grand Oberoi' of Calcutta.   This was my opportunity to stay here  free  and that too for seven days !" I knew in her IIT-student life , she with six other friends  came  to the airport from the hostel to see  off  one of their senior friend who set out to U K  for higher study. From the airport they planned to  enter   the  'Taj' to take a look  . They all gathered money  and ordered  only one pot of tea.  To their dismay, they were allowed to sit   only in the lounge and  to leave it at 2:AM. Some party was going on  inside ; they enjoyed  glancing at  some big shot  guests and some heart-throbbing film stars with dazzling but weird  dresses . Outside the  gate  of  Taj hotel  they thought to  eat some Bombay famous 'bora-pou' or 'golgappa', as substitute for dinner ;  but no hawkers or  food Staller  were found there ; so  they came to the beach  with the hope of  getting  warm peanuts ;  Instead  of   any vendors  some police were there to drive  away everyone . Then they came back  with empty stomach to hostel at 3:30 AM.

 I also cherished her happiness,  her fulfillment of student life dream.  I took the 'Taj' tour  several times, part by part ,during my stay. The man and  another  lady  guide both became  so friendly  with me that they gave their cards and personal contact number.  Though the hotel stands on the sea bank ,but it takes long walk to reach the beach .  I tried and came back from the half way . Even in December the sun was scorching in Mumbai.   Crowd around the Taj seemed weird and not up-to-standard . So I stopped going  outside the gate  by walking alone . After breakfast I used to peep their  conference room  ; I strongly wished to ask the professor to permit me one day in the class. But my daughter  did not approve it ..... My friends of Mumbai were in winter vacation .  I  roamed alone through the corridor and discovered so many sections ;So many  beautiful  paintings , sculptures  that I spent my time  gazing at them  without boredom. .  Most of the places except the dining hall and lounge  were so silent and empty at daytime. only when the door of the conference room was opened at the end of any session ,sight and sound of people were   heard . Finally  I asked the room service to fetch for me some paper ,pencil and eraser from the receptionist .  Rest of the days  it kept me busy on  drawing sketches ; I was also busy with  my creative writing .   

          American students were not so much impressed with the IT sector or giant tech companies as                                       they were interested in the study-case of emerging country-market. As for example the electricity-run textile mill were locked down since long time ago.  Encouraged  by the government  some private  entrepreneurs   were opening . One day   students were taken to Vivaldi Factory  where  a private entrepreneur with 20/22.  employees   was running the business.   The entrepreneur was overjoyed to see a team of white young boys from such a prestigious University; and the employees were happier than the employer.   The students asked curiously what is 'suiting'  'shirting' ?which was written on the sign-board?They explained that Mumbai and Calcutta were the main market for cloth.  The cloth for  shirt of male  is shirting  and  the cloth for making formal  set of two /three pieces  is suiting They made some album  which contain samples  of different design like formula. there were roll of polyester  of different colour and texture in the showcase ; the customers can select the cloth and design from the album and put order with 'advance 'to the company . The students visited eight small factories of similar type .  

The students were interested to survey the farmers market of Vivldi. the small businessmen were helped from the "seed-Fund' to start business and later on they become partner. The vegi -sellers were happy to see  'team of white people' in their  'clusters of  small  shops . The students asked  the vendor why aren't you making the shop a little bigger ?

vendor: where shall I get space?I have to give the police RS 50 daily. My father started this business after coming from Bihar. Now I am the owner ; next to me my son will inherit it. ...I am so happy with this ......Just last month some agent took 15 of us to  Goa-trip. we had  lots of fun  there'.We saw lot of 'Firingis '  (which means white- skinned people )  like you ! Then he continued in low voice  we people crowded  to view  from  little far , the  nude     white female  absorbed  in  yoga practice , and sun -saluting .   They were  known and famous   as hippies.     Hippies were great attraction for the tourists.  Our team was   all  eager to view that   famous 'Nude  Firingi' Bitch' (  /  beach )    and Cellular jail rather than to  visit churches, beaches or  other  sight seeing .

American students commented to my daughter,"Your country is amazing !   How happy were these vegetable -sellers in  such  humid small dwelling without any grievance! They were   laughing and  making fun with each other .  Near the traffic signal  poor woman and  children  came running to the auto for  begging without fear of loosing  part of  limb or life, it seemed  really scary.  They enjoyed how the stray dogs crossed the street smartly ;the babies without diaper in their mother's  lap ;abundant food stalls and restaurants and the air is filled with smell of fries and spice to mouthwatering saliva and kick the stomach with appetite without being really hungry.They  amused by observing  trifling things ; specially when they were stuck  in traffic-jam. An overloaded truck was standing before their bus .  at the back of the  truck  was written   'Don't eat too much, master will be annoyed '. 

One student asked curiously ,What does it mean?"

"it warns  the driver not to steal petrol  which may annoy the master". Actually it is a  satire .

Many of them  were interested about Indian  street food.   So they planned expedition to 'street food' before leaving  the land . Most of them carried with them a lasting impression "A land of  unique mysticism amidst apparently chaos."

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Sipra's Diary: April : The National poetry-Month.

 

How is it that I did not write any poem for a long time ? Even in  National Poetry month?  Who is on fasting ? Me or the month ? .......

Perhaps I turned my face from the poetry -world since  I felt nausea  in  reading and listening  poems .Because I read  them  too much  and too devotedly  for long time ; Most poems   of  recent  'poets'  I get in my mail-box  are  too obscured  to digest , not to me alone, but I doubt ,to the  poet her(him)-self who also may be  unable to explain  theme or  meaning   clearly  !Some  poems seem to be  amalgamation of words only ,while some are as big as prose  to make one bore. I  never feel bore to read Shelly Byron,Keats, Wordsworth ,Tennyson or Yeats repeatedly ;Also they never  tortured  me  to consult dictionary ! Even Dante or Horace did not give me so  much  pain to search word-meaning as the recent poems do.  Emotion evaporates while  poetry becomes artificially  complicated , pedantic. Is it that to encourage the literary spirit  of this high tech-prone-country,  our poet laureates embraces  any poem  (whether mockery ,mimmic or grotesque ) without judgement?

Internet has given us freedom to   express  and share our emotions in our own way . We are utilizing (or exploiting!) our full opportunity.  In the digital age fertile literary field has proliferated profusely: inflation of poetic genius  along with  genie.   Before the abundance of  weed or parasite suck the fertility from literature, little lawn-mowing and clearing the weed is necessary  to welcome  literary renaissance. Isn't? Anyway before the removal of  weed  I  must post my poem :'Homage to Poetry Month'.

                                           "Beloved Offspring Of Season"..

April opens the season of spring like a cordial king

Wavy grassland wading in the warmth of sunshine,

Nature pours all its hidden treasure, spell the fragrance 

Of  Daffodil, primrose, cherry blossom all beautiful colors;

Robin ,cuckoo, honeybee :coir of chirping birds,

What a melody of sounds !

The new red leaves in plants symbolize  the  renewal of life

Even defying the panic of pandemic covid-19 ! 

But human are still far from coming out of risk or fear.

April! you are natures' beloved child

Throughout ages you stir and reign poets' mind.

Blue sky with warmth of sunlight and swaying flowers

Declare the triumph  of climate over weather

Though chill wind  often reminds the whip of jealous winter.

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Sipra's diary: Collections from Columbia University (a trip to China ;and to India)

 The students of Columbia University  Business school were elated for getting  the trip to foreign  (emerging )countries .The university gives options to choose where they want to go. My daughter took China -trip first . She planned to take me with her . 

China! Cradle of. ancient civilization; the  Great Wall :one of the seven wonders ;  emperor's palace known as the forbidden city; my long time dream ! But finally I cancelled the trip when I heard that she would cancel the program of  Great Wall and the Palace; as Beijing was risky for the tourists for some climatic hazard or some problem . I tried to make her understand that I heard   from others that   all of them faced  problem with  food and language . As she would be busy with her scheduled program of class, conference tournament, I would be left with boredom. The  destination of the University   was  Shanghai, the third largest financial center in the world . They stayed in International    Grand Hyate hotel . So they did not  face any problem with food or language. The routine of the school was so compact that they had little time to roam  arbitrarily and experience the local life-style of the city. 

The school gave them a city tour . Shanghai was originally a fishing village and market town  situated on the estuary of of Yangtze River; now it serves as the most influential international trade and cultural center of modernity. It is described as the "showpiece" of booming economy of China.The newer part  of Shanghai is on the  the east bund of the river Huangpu river ;it has numerous skyscrapers buildings ; particularly  Lujazul(!) area is famous for   attractive Show-rooms of all world famous products ; the famous Crystal Zade of China .,along with    huge fish -market and  Garment- warehouse  . Tailoring was very cheap .The students were excited to learn that they delivered the dress within two days.So almost all American students bought the best cloth in cheaper price and  ordered several   number of suits .The tailors themselves would come to hotel for trial before the  final delivery.

My daughter narrated amusingly ," it was so funny to see the students,(shedding off the protocol elegancy,) moving  crazily to and fro from  different compartments  of warehouse and screaming ,bargaining ! The word "mad cow'( in figurative sense!)  just flashed in my mind.   The accompanied professor was also watching curiously, as he was  sipping a bottle of coco-cola  near the counter .To notice me he commented , "O, so smart of campaigning the  battle to come back early !"   Then he continued "This is why I come here as finishing touch of city- tour ".He grinned.

"I did't disclose to him that  I. was an escapist to join the battle, for  avoiding  the crowd". I told  him that I am interested to take a tour of the old city  on Saturday. "

He gave me some good suggestions about how to go there and what  to visit and to eat . The old city of Shanghai was completely different in contrast to  the new one.The older part of urban Shanghai , known as the British settlement, is  on the West Bank of Huangpu river.The British named their stretch of riverfront as " bund," a Hindi  word meaning 'embankment' that the traders bought with them from India. Bund was the showpiece of early 20th century Shanghai."shikumen"  or stone-gated house -grey and  brown two storey tenements arranged in terraces  which  was  a   unique  architectural  form to Shanghai .But this key part of the city's heritage has not been protected  with   proper care.  ******

I missed  to mention one appalling story of China. The chairman of 

Asian bank appointed  by the professor  of Columbia,  narrated  some   story to  the students  :

 For  controlling  the increase of population,  Communist government of China made "One child" as legally mandatory .So those who bore more than one child ,they abandoned the  new-born   second /third  child  (specially girls-child ) secretly to exempt from  the punishment of the government. Those abandoned children were picked up   and collected by the orphanage  which  in turn gave rise to a  new  and novel  business.  Lots of People from the west and from America started taking  China tour by cruise. The main purpose  of China- Cruise Tour - was to adopt baby at cheap rate  without facing   legal complexities . In America and Europe,  the process  of adopting  is complex :  the legal issues along with   a lot of money is needed for adopting a baby.  So the issueless   western couples  hunt babies from the overpopulated countries like China, Korea, Indonesia and India.  According to  the censure, the  problem is that ratio of male and female   has been misbalanced.  Globally, the number of female-child has been decreased.

In addition to above story,  another  one  was that in interior china of village the health of people deteriorated suddenly.   It was detected after  enquiry that people used to sell their blood for earning money  to build bigger houses. The reason was they wanted  to build two-storied buildings   for giving marriage to their sons. Actually the buildings look like two-storied from the outside but the upper story had only wall , while inside  was  fake and left unfinished.  Women  have  advanced  compared to men  in   modern China. To get a good bride  the groom must have  education with proper degree ,  a good job. and a two-storied house. A common joke   among the folk  used to  run ,

"O,  you are the. father of girl ; that means you are  commercial bank ; and me?

I am father of male-child, a merchant bank!" 

 China is no more patriarchal.

Asia development Bank  gives loan  in two  sectors  : One is  Public health and secondly, in house-building loan. They are no doubt good steps for social upliftment  of   China.                                                                                                             ****************************************************************************

                               Trip to India.