Title: FEAR by Sipra Roy
From childhood we are chased by a monster,
An extremely unpleasant emotion known as fear!
The monster changes its form like a chameleon
To encounter different person in different stages!
Fear of death, disease, war or natural calamities
Capture universally similar as victim of destiny.
But phobia of fear is a dark psychological trap,
To engulf shadow over joy and peace snatched from life.
In childhood, friends pitched and swayed me fear of ghost;
Teenage worried me to keep up glory as best girl father can boast
So I built up my image as ideally 'model' in the school and town!
When my father left me alone in the college-hostel
With his almost empty money-bag, I wept in silent,
Pressing my face on the window pane, holding two
Green apples and some notes in my palm,
Thinking his tired sweaty-face which appeared calm
For being lucky to arrange for me the University hostel
That was unique in the busting metro-city of Calcutta!
Every morning of my college life I woke up
With the thought 'how was my dad, mom and family!'
My father used to suffer in gout and arthritis before his forty;
Sometimes I saw him crying in acute pain like a kid !
In course of time the empty money-bag and green apples
Subsided in the wave of other thoughts! A new fear of
self-guardian took over ;though unusually my friends
guarded me to drive away curious boys around me.
I felt nervy ,worried but romantic to notice the silent messages
In the eyes of those pop heroes but cautious as they began to
follow me. Surrounded by three friends I used to move from class.
To common room or canteen!
I always tried to avoid them by taking back stairs of the college!
I avoided, perhaps in the fear of what to say if they asked me
To have a coffee with them ! or to accompany them for a matinee film show!
Coming to the University I became prominent figure in the campus
From canteen to the powerhouse -Student Union as courageous
Confident 'tall & slim girl with long hair' but too proud to converse!
No sooner the result of MA was out my marriage was fixed by my parent's choice
But stranger to me! At midnight I woke up to see the groom's name & tittle in the cards;
So that I wouldn't be teased at least by my friends to mock me his name.
It was August in India; weather was humid ;sky was heavy, cloudy.I was sad.
The sky showered heavy throughout the night on behalf of me !
After fourteen years of my marriage, father passed away ;
My Brother took me straight in the burning ghat where my father lay,
Like a 'marble statue' lifeless body was surrounded by relatives, and Friends;
A peaceful face with no sign of pain.I bowed down to touch his feet;
No tear from eye rolled down until I noticed half-opened Iron-gate ,
Coming near my home; The gate was kept locked by dad
Throughout his life-time; the opened -gate messaged unfortunate fate
Of the house. Inside the house I saw my bereft mom; Time was dusk!
I overcome "fear of Death" since my father passed away.
Death turned to be just moving from one room to another closed-door room.......
I always used to think to leave the earth rather than to live without them !
Now as age is growing, my latest fear is whether physical frailty
Will Cause dependency.I wish to die independent. I calm myself to destiny!
end
