Memoires Of (My Journey Part- 1 . )

 TITLE::  Looking back…    19th Jan 2019 

               

I  have crossed a long way of the journey in life; Looking back, even to sketch the outline of life will be as long as mini-epic; perhaps lives of many of us are almost like that.
My life contains neither horror of war nor victim of sex-abuse; Neither experience of torturing or negligence of step-mother or father nor a victim of terminal illness; neither divorce nor any secret extra-marital relationship. Such a plain life without pungent spices leaves little space to write striking ‘memoire' to get a projection of interesting fiction.

 I think my diary is a kind of proxy to memoir; but though my outer life was devoid of any stain or glory; my inner-life was vast and enormous as from my early stage I was a psychonaut; my little mind was full of small wonder and queries, most of which remained unanswered.

Recently I have joined a memoir writing class. Next week I have to submit.I am thinking from where to start. I took a telescopic view of my life and decided to take a back-step journey: beginning from ‘now’ to ‘then’. I divided my life -story in two parts. The greater part of my life spent in India which is lengthy and present part of life in this foreign land last five years. 

I came here just after the funeral ceremony of my late husband was over.
It was  a time of March //or April 2001,  just after the funeral ceremony of  my husband was over.
My eldest brother with his two daughters came and escorted me to leave to the Dumdum airport at 8 PM. The Flight was at 1 AM. After taking boarding pass  and before joining the passport queue,I stopped a while to look back: The three of them were leaning against the visitor's railing.---my 70 years' old brother and his two daughters, Rinku and Jhumu,I could not see their faces clearly but I felt their deep concern for me from the distance;...One last glimpse; I remembered last advice from Rinku, my beloved niece." be cool but alert! We waved one another; Then I joined the queue.                                 


..........After the formalities of passport and papers, I sank into a sofa. Alone. With closed eyes I surveyed my desolated apartment ; I try to memorise  of several things: Whether  I have locked and  disconnected the  cylinder from the oven ; switched off the main box of electricity; closed the windows and all the taps properly  and so on;  the day  seemed to hang on me  as pretty last six months ago  long ago ;Being  sure that I did everything well I opened my eyes.  The lounge was crowded. I felt numb. The crowd seemed to be some shadowy entity from some unknown planet. I sat thoughtlessly. I tried to pull myself  from fading-away feeling

......Remember? Four years back I was here with my husband, going to the US for the first time to visit our children. What an amazing zeal and curiosity were there! and now? ..no feeling. Neither grief nor joy   Even no fear or nervousness. After the announcement, I boarded in the Singapore Airlines. Surprisingly in the same place as the first row. like the before I stared vacantly out the window and saw the deserted viewing lounge. I ruminated on my first experience of US flight. The enthusiasm as I watched everything with hungry eyes,...how my husband made fun of my curiosity and teased me for my ignorance with comments,  'I want to see what will you do without me if you are left alone'. He was showing his pride in being a frequent international flyer. I was really novice then. 

Now I was alone to take this journey across the globe.The plane started taxiing on the runway...

  The deserted viewing lounge, airport office building, cargo building passed away one by one  from my sight and then in a blink of an  eye a the innumerable city lights  in the vast, endless darkness  were fleeing from  my vision; as the plane left the ground with a jolt , it triggered a queer feeling in me :"" Oh God , I am cut off  from my land!" The plane soared higher and higher till I could see no more lights of the soil I  belonged  so long.   and I asked  to myself ," why  am I going?"

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